Updated: Jan 17
People are different, no doubt about that.
So it is only natural that when it comes down to asking for help, people vary massively.
There are some that don’t shy away from asking others for help, to the point of not doing anything by themselves because they can “delegate” it to others.
And there are some that don’t really ask for help… They seem independent, capable, self-sufficient. Able to handle things on their own, without “burdening” others with their stuff. These are the people I want to talk about today, in my first blog post.
These individuals will, most likely, be the ones that others rush to for help. And they almost always respond; giving a helping hand to whoever needs it, or is vocal enough to articulate it. But they almost never ask for help themselves.
This doesn’t mean they don’t need it…. This simply means they have not learnt to rely on others. They may have been brought up in an environment that actively discouraged voicing ones’ needs and asking for support. Maybe their parents were rather distant or “never there”, or maybe they did not accept anything short of perfection, therefore asking for help was a sign of failure; a shortcoming. In that case, as children they might have refrained from asking for help because they craved the parental approval thus withholding their need for support.
In a world where individuals feel very alone -loneliness is a big plague of our times- we tend to have acquaintances, not friends. We tend to have people we know, not a support network. I will elaborate more on the subject of support networks another time so stay tuned… As a result a lot of us fear to admit that we need help, be it financial, emotional, psychological, or help in terms of knowledge and expertise. Coupled with that is the belief that doing everything on your own is a major achievement and a sign of strength. The truth is that it gets lonely like that, it takes more struggle, more time, more resources.
We forget that we are social beings and we thrive on connection.
When you ask for help, chances are that the person you have turned to is flattered and happy to share their wisdom with you. Happy to connect. They are much less likely to think that you are incapable of doing it on your own. They will not think any less of you for asking for help. On the contrary, they will probably think that you value their assistance and input. And this may lead to a stronger bond and appreciation.
It may be a lot to take in for those of you that are used to be doing things on your own. I know, I am one of you. This certainly doesn’t mean that you have to change the way you are, or to start trusting anyone from now on.
What it means is that you can take some of the pressure off your shoulders when it is appropriate. That it is ok to admit to others (and yourself) that you are not a machine. That you are human.